


One Bad Day

by PepperF



Series: Diego whump [28]
Category: The Umbrella Academy (TV)
Genre: Diego Hargreeves Needs A Hug, Gen, Whumptober 2020, grumpy diego
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-28
Updated: 2020-10-28
Packaged: 2021-03-09 01:48:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 842
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27246817
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PepperF/pseuds/PepperF
Summary: Generally speaking, people don't mess with the tall, scarred, knife-bedecked stranger unless they've got both training and a good reason. Amateur criminals haven't really been a problem since his last growth spurt at sixteen. But everyone has a bad day sometime, and Diego is sipping on a warm soda and arguing with Five in the group chat at an abandoned gas station in the middle of nowhere, when he has his.
Series: Diego whump [28]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1951318
Comments: 5
Kudos: 42
Collections: Whumptober 2020





	One Bad Day

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks to Bethany, as always! I should totally just have called this one 'Title'.

Generally speaking, people don't mess with the tall, scarred, knife-bedecked stranger unless they've got both training and a good reason. Amateur criminals haven't really been a problem since his last growth spurt at sixteen. But everyone has a bad day sometime, and Diego is sipping on a warm soda and arguing with Five in the group chat at an abandoned gas station in the middle of nowhere, when he has his. 

He'd stopped to take a piss and stretch his legs for five minutes, on the way back from dropping Klaus off at some retreat thing that he swears blind will help his ongoing quest for sobriety. And now, as repayment for his good deed, he's being fucking _mugged._

The kid's no professional, but he knows enough to have the safety off his gun, and his aim is steady, even if his eyes are wild and desperate. Diego weighs up the risks, and slowly raises his hands. In short order he's been robbed of his phone, wallet, and car keys. 

"Sorry about this, man," says the kid. "Really I am. But look, I'll leave it in the next town over, okay?"

"Sure you will," says Diego, looking the kid over: underfed and undersized, probably twenty at the outside, mousy hair that looks like it's been cut with pinking shears, dirty blue jeans, dark purple T-shirt with a flower logo: it all gets stored in the data bank for future retribution. He looks desperate, probably on the run from a bad situation. Maybe it'll just be a stern talking-to.

"No, I will," insists the kid, backing away even as he nods frantically.

"Okay. You will."

There's not much else to chat about, really, and in a few seconds more, the kid has slipped into his car, revved the engine, and is peeling out of there like he's on fire.

The situation can still be salvaged, though, and Diego walks forward into the middle of the road, takes careful aim, thanks fate that he fixed the spare tire, and _throws_ —

—and the car swerves violently, letting the knife skim harmlessly past at the last second. Some dumb animal with ambitions of becoming roadkill scuttles safely across the road, and Diego's car, with some scrawny thief in the driving seat, makes a clean getaway.

"Fuck!"

Diego looks up and sighs at the injustice of it all.

Which is of course when the skies decide to open.

\---

When he makes it to the next town, five hours later and fifty pounds heavier (all rainwater), his car is nowhere to be seen. He hadn't really thought it would be, but he's disappointed all the same. Still, despite what some currently-undersized siblings might say, he's not a total idiot: he has all his siblings’ phone numbers memorized, just in case. After a quick calculation about who'll be least likely to give him shit about this forever, he calls Vanya.

It takes her another three hours to show up, by which time the daylight has long since departed, thankfully taking the rain with it, and he's frozen stiff. The one coffee shop in town was "closing", an extremely loose translation of "we don't want to serve this scary dude", and as he really didn't want to finish his night with a run-in with local law enforcement, he'd chosen to wait at the bus station.

"Thanks, Vanya," he sighs, climbing in and immediately cranking up her heat. 

"It's okay," says Vanya. "What happened?"

"Oh, some fucking kid—don't you dare tell Luther about this," he adds quickly. "Pinkie swear."

"Pinkie swear," agrees Vanya, holding up her finger.

"Some kid took me by surprise and stole my truck," he tells her, after they've shaken.

"Oh no, that sucks." She says it without apparent sarcasm; Vanya's the best. "Did you get a good look at him?"

"Yeah, scrawny little runt, looked like a runaway 'cept he was a bit too old for it. Kinda reminded me of Kl... _shit!_ Shit, fuck, shit, Vanya, stop the car, stop!"

She slams on the brakes. "What?" she snaps, when they've screeched to a halt at the side of the darkened road.

"I just remembered where I've seen that logo," he says, grimly. "We need to go back."

\---

"I owe you one, brother," says Klaus, sprawled in the passenger seat as languidly as only Klaus can sprawl after a narrow escape from a doomsday cult.

"You owe me more than wh—huh—"

Klaus glances back at Diego, surprised at this recurrence of his stammer—just in time to get a faceful of snot when Diego sneezes violently.

"Oh, gross, Diego, who raised you?!"

"It took me by surprise! I—Iiii—"

Klaus throws anything he can find—lip salve, empty water bottle, candy wrappers—at Diego, who catches the sneeze this time, and digs out a packet of travel tissues from the shower of litter, before keeling sideways across the backseat with a groan. 

"You fucking owe me like ten," he growls. It sounds a whole lot less scary when he can't quite breathe through his nose.

**Author's Note:**

> Argh, I couldn't work out how to end this one, and ran out of time. Oh well.


End file.
